The Salsa Safari

There is magic afoot tonight, under the full moon, a million stars sparkling in the ink- black sky. I'm making my way through the urban jungle to the site of my adventure tonight. A wild outpost in the heart of the megacity called a "salsa club". I'm there solely for scientific purposes. I had heard rumors of a weekly ritual that drew a variety of species together for a night of uninhibited dance.

My job is to research the varied wildlife found in this place off the beaten track. As I near my destination the night sky is pierced with the sounds of tribal drumming and an intoxicating savage rhythm called the "Clave". I enter the habitat with caution; this is definitely not a place for novice explorers. The climate is extreme -- I am immediately hit with a wall of heat. I quickly take a post in a corner of the beautiful cave-like environment and start taking notes. Below is an overview of all the wildlife I observed:

Gorilla (Breakus Armus) -- Fairly large population; I only observed males of this species. Appears to strong-arm his way through moves and turn-patterns. The goal seems to be trying to wrench off the arms of their partners

Eel (Slipperee Whenwet) -- This species seems to sweat a lot but doesn't take the time to dry off or change their "skin" every now and then as all the other species seem to do.

Rabbit (Bopto Thebeatus) -- Prefers to move vertically to the music, hops around while dancing. Appears to be emulating the movement of a bouncing ball.

Gazelle (Ideale partnera) -- Beautiful species to observe. They are really graceful and light on their feet. They have very sharp reflexes and quick response times. Therefore they are very desirable to all the other species and are almost always engaged in dance throughout the night.

Penguin (Robotulatus) -- This animal seems to be lacking fully developed knee joints, as they have trouble bending their legs. They are very stiff and seem to have problems transferring their weight properly.

Skunk (Horriblus Smella) --These animals have a very pungent odor; they appear to be part of a very strict sect which bans showers or the use of deodorant or perfume

Peacock (Showoffious) -- This animal always needs to be the center of attention. They prefer to only dance with other peacocks or animals that will enhance their image while on the dance floor. Their desired partners are either good-looking or good dancers.

Octopus (Tryto Gropeus) -- Another species in which I only observed male examples. They seem to have more than 2 hands, though when observed in a resting position it appeared they only had 2. Their hands are usually all over their partner and they consistently place them in inappropriate places. They differ from most of the other species as they often try other physical contact while not on the dance floor

Python (Toclose Forcomfortus) -- This is definitely a predatory species; they hold their dance partner really tight. It appears they are trying to either asphyxiate their partner or actually meld together with them. It will take further research to determine which hypothesis is correct.

Wolf (Stalkercitae) -- This animal is definitely a hunter, always searching the club for prey. This is a predominantly male species. Their prey usually consists of beginner dancers especially the ones in revealing attire.

Leech (Stickus Likegluetus) -- The leech tries to cling onto their partner for the entire night. They don't leave their partners after one set of salsa. If their partner is dancing with someone else they will stand very close to them instead of finding another partner to dance with.

Deer (Juststarted Todanceous) -- Appear really anxious when dancing. They are definitely prey to many of the species in this habitat. They seem to be afraid of intricate patterns and often look like they're caught in the headlights of a vehicle.

Lovebirds (Kisee Faceous) -- Seem to have a designated partner for the whole evening. Arrive and leave together. They dance very close to each other; but be careful not to confuse with the Python, this is an altogether different species

Barracuda (Sweet Talkera) -- Also predatory, their goal is to get their partners alone so they can get a series of apparently random numbers written on scraps of paper. They spend a lot of time talking as opposed to dancing.

Tasmanian Devil (Outof controla) -- This animal must have a very large natural habitat. They are all over the dance floor, constantly doing lots of spins and intricate turn patterns without proper execution, still able to crash into other dancers and step on toes even when the club was near empty near the end of the night

Clam (Concentratae Reallyhardae) -- This species appears to be mute. They never talk and rarely smile while dancing, very serious.

Vulture (Wantyour Partnerous) -- Vultures have a distinct attack. They circle the dance floor looking for someone they want to dance with and they will hover around while their prey is dancing with others, patiently waiting to seize them once the song is over. If their desired partner ignores them and dances with someone else, they will continue hovering and circling until they their prey succumbs
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Lion/ Lioness (Getout Yourcamerae) -- King or queen of the dance floor. This seems to be a rare species. They are great dancers who are exciting to watch and usually have circles formed around them while dancing. Not to be confused with Peacock, this highly skilled animal dances with all species.

Chameleon (Multitalentous) -- Proficient in many different types of dance - hip-hop, ballroom, samba and salsa. Can look like a completely different dancer depending on the style being used for that song.

Millipede (Tenleft Feetus) -- This animal has a unique skill that makes it falsely appear to have more than two feet. It can simultaneously dance on every beat, completely ignoring the rhythms and beats of the music. It is very easy to spot as it is moving completely out of sync with everyone else on the floor.

I must say I am captivated by all that I saw this night. After the tribal dancing is over, the wildlife leaves the club dehydrated and tired. Their bodies appear bruised and battered from the evening. Why do they leave their natural habitat and gather here week after week? What draws them to this dance? Further study is required. That concludes my observations for this evening.