March 20, 2002 -- being asked to dance

Hi Monifa! At least, 2 guys did ask you to dance in one night. 2 girls asked me to dance in a year. What women's lib? John

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March 20, 2002

What factors make me decide whether or not to ask a woman to dance?

This is in response to a letter in February of 2002 that posed the subject question and I am speaking from a personal point of view.

Let me first provide some background about my dancing experience. I am a relatively new Salsa dancer who started dancing in earnest about a year ago. Currently, I am taking five to six dance lessons a week and going out social dancing about three times a week. I dance on 1 and my dance style is, predominantly, the product of Soles Dance Studio, Jennifer and Giovanni, United Salseros and others who has given me guidance either in workshops or on the dance floor in Toronto. Recently, I have begun taking Modern Dance Techniques and International Ballroom dance instructions as well to improve on my overall dance skills.

Seldom, have I had a negative experience in dance, the worst being the occasional bruise from being stepped on, which comes with the territory of choosing to dance in a crowded environment.

I do select my dance partners carefully. I search for compatibility in style and depth of experience. I do make a special effort of dancing with beginners as I remember how it was when I first stepped into the pond knowing little but a few basic steps. Some of the girls that took me under her wings, I remember fondly and I treasure their presence.

Generally the following gives me the "STOP" signals:

1. She is sitting down or having an animated chat with a friend or some friends,
2. She appears to be the partner of another male (my friend's partner not included),
3. She stares blankly into space and appears to be self absorbed in her world,
4. She is busy having a smoke, a drink or adjusting her hat,
5. Instructor groupies,
6. She is way out of my league in terms of skills level although I would pencil her in for a future request when I have advanced further in experience and techniques,
7. A significant mismatch in terms of physical height and weight,
8. She has just come off the dance floor and appears to be still catching her breath.

Generally the following gives me the "GO" signals:

1. She is standing swaying to the music and taking side way glances at potential dance partners,
2. She looks at me and smiles,
3. She is sparkling, friendly and appears to accept most invitations,
4. She asks me for a dance,
5. Her name is Natalie (smile),
6. She is a good follower,
7. My friends, classmates and
8. A member of the National Ballet of Canada.

The above is a partial list and I am sure others have theirs to add or subtract.

Richard

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March 25, 2002 -- Women's lib-being asked to dance

When I read the first of this string of messages, I realized, I never even considered asking a guy to dance! But after brief thought, why shouldn't a girl ask a guy to dance? We face all of the same considerations, right? Is he going to be a suitable partner, does he appear to be 'available' for a dance, and so on...

Consequently, I have asked several guys to dance each time I go out. It puts a different light on just waiting for someone to ask you, swaying with the music, and smiling at the potential partners. Hey, if we have to follow your lead on the dance floor....we might as well take the lead somewhere else.

And with regards to Richards comments, as a beginner salsera, I have to thank the people who did ask me to dance while I was still learning, through stepping on toes and elbowing foreheads! There is no better way to learn than to practice. So ladies, please don't just wait for a guy to ask you, be assertive and ask them -- Sarah

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April 21, 2002 -- Being asked to dance

Dear Sisters, Based in my personal expereince, actually how we dress is as important as how well we dance. Dress in a shiny and light colour, your chance will be increased significantly. Because in such dark environment, how to make others notice you? Colour is the most important thing. Try one and you will see the result -- Ying

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April 27, 2002 -- Being Asked to Dance Discussion

Thank you John, Richard, Sarah, and Ying for your feedback, advice, and words of encouragement. Richard, your list definitely sheds a new light on the "dance partner selection" criteria.

I agree that attire (shiny, light) and motion(swaying to the music)adds to the possibility of being approached by a potential male partner; however, it is the millenium so we ladies should not hesitate to ask our male counterparts to dance - gender equality should apply to every arena.

No more waiting around, time to dance! A gozar! Monifa

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May 3, 2002 -- Being asked to dance

Keep in mind that there is another element here: once you ask a girl/guy to dance (ok, for the most part it's asking the girl), there is the decision of "Will I want to dance with this person again?"

Face it, each side is judging the other subconciously. They're checking for:
- attitude (keeping eye contact, dancing with energy, smiling, talking, maintaining proper body hygiene)
- skill (who leads who, clean basics, floor skills and etiquette, a beginner trying to teach the advanced).
Keep this in mind boys and girls. Jamie

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May 10, 2002 -- Being asked to dance

Just read these messages and I have to say I'm quite taken aback: who'd have thought Canadian women would be less 'liberated' than Europeans or Asians!

I've danced in Europe and Asia and ladies ask me - and other guys - to dance all the time. In fact, I had male friends in London who refused to ask women to dance as a point of principle ..

Ladies: get out there and ask! Guys will hardly ever say no .. which reminds me, one thing to add to Richard's list of stop signals: that the girl has EVER said no to me in the past. I never say no and I see no reason why they should: it's just a dance .. Pat

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May 30, 2002 -- girls asking boys

Very interesting this conversation of guys saying they want girls to ask but by experience, I have had guys that are saying this exact thing tell me NO!!! So as you guys have had rejections, we are going through this too and I guess we are at the point of trying to learn not to take it personnaly!!!!!! renee

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June 26, 2002 -- On being asked to dance

Ok after thinking about my criteria- here are the things I came up with that influence me on asking a girl to dance.

1. Proximity to the dance floor- if the girl is on or near to edge of the dance floor, it seems to me that she making sure she has an easy time getting to the floor. I.e. she wants to dance.

2. Shoes- Ok here in texas alot of women will wear sandals or open back shoes to clubs. Most clubs are very lax on their dress codes towards the women so they let them in. I've found these type of shoes tend to come off very quickly on the dance floor, so I won't typically ask someone where them to dance. No some girls will wear them and take them off when the get in the club and dance in bare feet. MOre power to them I say.

3. Does she look approachable- This my own hang up, I was always taught it was rude to interupt a conversation, so if the girl is talking to someone else I will typically not ask or watch and wait to see if there is a lull in the conversation. I've noticed thought that most guys just plow right on in there.

4. If I see that they are clearly a higher level dancer then me, and I think I'm just gonna bore them, I'm not gonna ask them to dance.
5. Being a guy, I think its nice when I girl asks me to dance- I know how hard it is, and I've never turned one down.

Ok, Rose is gonna hate Super Mario now for letting me know about this board and typing all this stuff. :-) Patrick

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June 29, 2002 -- being asked to dance

I've stumbled upon this webpage which has a very extensive article for women on getting asked to dance. Some of the ideas sounded downright kooky, but after some thought, were actually quite insightful. There are also some helpful hints for women who would like to ask men to dance.

In any case, it's worth a try:

http://salsacrazy.com/guideforwomen.htm

I would also like to add a couple of suggestions of my own: try out several different clubs to get a general "vibe" from each one. In my experience, some clubs are just friendlier and more approachable than others. Once you find your favorite club, frequent the club on a regular basis so that you get to know the dancers there. Believe me, it took me a while, but once you get to know a couple of them, you'll get to know ALL of them (everybody seems to know everybody over there). Nowadays, I frequent these clubs all by myself, and have no trouble finding dance partners. In fact, I rarely get a chance to even sit down anymore...

Also, never underestimate the power of a smile! Personally, I love to smile when I dance, and I was surprised to find that several men have taken the time to tell me that I stood apart from many other dancers because of my smile. The moral of this story: a smile WILL GET YOU NOTICED.

Well, I wish you sisters all the best. Go out, let loose, and have a blast!

Salsa In Heels

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July 24, 2002 -- ask to dance

Well, There are a lot of messages and articles out there about this topic. Here is my point of view.

First, remember that good manners and tact will get a smile out of ANYBODY! If they are used properly, the outcome will be positive most of the time.

Second, if you are being the one asked to dance, give a big smile. Remember that person have chosen you and only you out of everybody else out there to share a special an unique moment. Remember, it is not like he/she is asking you to marry him/her. It's just a dance. It is supposed to be fun no matter what level the dancer is in.

Third, if you have to ask a lady/gentleman to dance, who is accompanied by a date, make sure you ask for permission from their date first. This is going back to good manners. By doing this you will let the date and the dancer know that you just want to dance, have fun and not to compete him/her.

Four and final, ask people of different levels, appearances, sexes and flavor. DO NOT DISCRIMINATE. Besides making you look like a nice person, this will increase the number potential partners.

I hope this helps anybody! Betto

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November 27 , 2002 -- asking to dance

i feel that we all discriminate too much when it comes to asking each other to dance. I feel as thought the black girls often get left out. for some reason the men do not approach them as much . A dance is a dance fellows not a marriage proposal relax and have fun. -- Carrie

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December 4, 2002 -- Being asked to dance

I went to that website A Guide for Women:19 easy ways to attract more men to dance with you. I really enjoyed reading the article. Next time I go out, I'll try these. -- Nicole

Fui a aquel sitio de la red Un guia para mujeres: 19 maneras faciles para atractar los salseros para bailar. me gusto muchisimo. La Promoxima vez que vaya yo, intentare a seguir los consejos del articulo.

PS. Thanks for the tip!!!!!

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January 25, 2003 -- being asked to dance...

Bueno, here in Spain I've got a problem...

In Spain usually dance with practically every girl we see, the problem is that I'm just 18 and usually women are much older, so when I ask them to dance, they usually think that, as I´m so young, I don't know how to dance... But at last I dance with them and I can demonstrate they were wrong, jajaja.

Un saludote para todos los salseros y sobre todo para las chicas!!! Danny